POP CULTURE -- Wedding etiquette

On the Yahoo! home page today, there was a link to a piece entitled "10 Things to Never do at a Wedding."

They included such tips as don't be late, turn off your cell, don't talk trash about others, don't come bearing gifts (envelopes, yes. Microwaves, no.), don't dress down, don't just bring a random guest if you're single, don't steal the show (i.e. dial it down a notch if you're a notorious partier), don't pig out, don't drag out old skeletons (such as the groom's dating habits prior to getting married) and don't hog all the party favors.

Here are few of my own.

1. DON'T pick your nose. You never know if the videographer is across the room adjusting his focus on you.

2. DON'T hit on the bride. Big no-no, for some reason. I don't know why.

3. DO hit on the bride's mother. You know, if she's MILF-y.

4. DON'T volunteer to watch the big purse with all the money in it, and then take off for Vegas.

5. DON'T drink like a fish just because it's an open bar.

6. DO order expensive drinks if it's an open bar.

7. DO tip well if it's an open bar.

8. DO wait to see who catches the bouquet of flowers before participating in the garter toss.

9. And, finally, above all, DON'T dance in a conga line. These things just don't end well, and they look goofy on the video.

NEWS -- Thankyouverymuch

This is Elvis' famous peacock jump suit. It just sold at auction for $300,000.

I definitely would have gone to $301G.